The Catholic Hope.

Shall I start with what I am already supposed to know and believe? If I want to examine my own Humanity before diving into another culture or religion, I'll begin with this: Roman Catholic faith. 

       I was baptized, reconciled, celebrated my first Holy Communion, Confirmation, was married and have had each of my daughters baptized all in the Catholic Church. I attended religious education from the time I was 5 years old all the way until 15. I can't tell you now the last lesson in theology I attended but I feel like I have a fairly decent handle on what my Church preaches. 

    What stuck in my mind when my son died though, was this: I don't know if Griffin goes to Heaven. 

       What is your instant reaction? Of course he does!? When I think back to what I have been taught through the years it gave me pause about his fate after death. I was baptized and I baptized my girls all to take away Original Sin. That sin prevents entry to Heaven doesn't it? Is it not just like any other sin? I asked for Baptism in the hours after his death. An on call pastor, part of the local Sherriff's office, came to the hospital to attend to us as a Chaplain. He said a wonderful and thoughtful prayer over the three of us, blessing our little family. But there was no Holy water to be found, no sacrament performed. Did you know that it can't be done? Not unless there is some soul left, some tiny spark of life, can Baptism be offered. 

       I've thought about it a lot lately, that I could have or should have attempted to baptize Griffin myself. I recall being told that we were allowed to do that as lay people though I have never made an effort to research it nor have I had the opportunity to do it. We were not offered another visit from Spiritual Care during our stay in the hospital and I never thought to call the local priest to hear what he could offer. God was not really in the front of our minds when we were reeling from Death. 

       In the aftermath of it all I have time, plenty of it, to digest and ponder what my own beliefs are and what I am supposed to believe in this faith to which I am confirmed. Elizabeth Ann "Seraphina" Hauser, reluctant Catholic that I am, I finally had the strength to look up where my son may now reside. Heaven? Purgatory? Limbo for Babies? Turns out I am not the only one that does not know. 

The Catholic Church officially professes uncertainty about the fate in the afterlife of infants who die before baptism, observing that "the Church can only entrust them to the mercy of God" (ss. 1261).http://www.vatican.va/roman_curia/congregations/cfaith/cti_documents/rc_con_cfaith_doc_20070419_un-baptised-infants_en.html

       

       It seems that there are plenty of theories on where babies who die before baptism reside. And it looks as though the Church, in all its infinite wisdom, says that it is up to me to decide what to believe. Not that their decree makes it any easier to know my own heart. I do know that I wanted Griffin baptized, that I wanted to offer him that chance to be welcomed into a faith community, even if we are not dutiful followers at this stage in our family life. So in that knowledge I stumbled across one other piece that actually offers some comfort though not certainty: 

 "For catechumens who die before their Baptism, their explicit desire to receive it, together with repentance for their sins, and charity, assures them the salvation that they were not able to receive through the sacrament" (CCC 1259).

       I guess all it can offer is hope right? That even though we didn't have the opportunity, perhaps all he needed was the desire and in that alone he was baptized, saved, and sent to Heaven. One can only hope.