I am Woman.

       Being a fairly modern feminist I don't need much encouragement to remember that I am a woman. I have always embraced my female nature, though not often in the most obvious of ways: by donning pink and frilly things. In fact, from a young age, I'm certain my mother would tell you that I was allergic to crinolines and lace. Until I was at least 8 or 9 years old I didn't even grow my hair long like a girl.
       Some of that has changed over the years. I have always been appreciative of my strong side, my feminist edge; since I've started raising girls, however, I have also been drawn to more of the flowery and dramatic touches to accent the feminine side of myself. You may catch me at times in a lace overlay, I'm very drawn to embroidered designs and intricate patterns. I have worn a crinoline to my own wedding, and my hair is almost as long as it has ever been. And as I said yesterday, I have quite the shoe collection!
     Today's shoes were ones I picked out recently to wear on a day when I wanted to dress up that inner strength. Gladiator sandals in the palest of lilac, leather with the most delicate of blooms tied on, I want to wear them when I need to be confident and classy. A celebration like today is fitting.

 

        Today is my 30th birthday and I took the time to appreciate who I am and who I want to be. After strapping on these sandals, I took this photo and frowned, thinking about how it would look to show off these feet tonight. They are in need of a pedicure, a coat of polish, and a tan! I thought twice about using it, really wishing I could take the time to shine up those toes, make them sparkle and shimmer.
        In the end, this is the real me. These are my 30 year old feet. They match my body, my attitude, my life. They are not overdone, not made up to look like someone else, they are me.Sometimes I struggle with that "me," the face that does not come with mascara and eye liner expertly applied, the hair that does not take a braid let alone a fancy updo. I will always be envious of those women that are well put together. At times I have really wanted to devote myself to a routine, a regimen of beauty that will glam me up for each and every day. It isn't really who I am though, someone that puts on a new face in the morning.
       I wear my wrinkles as I earn them, will wear my hair dappled as it grays, and I can be proud of both who I am and who I am shaping up to be, showing off my simple exterior with a touch of glamour only when I want to embellish my personality.

          My muchness challenge for today was to recognize myself as a woman and as a mother. That the two are intertwined is a concept that was so foreign to me before I became a mother. And now, I can't imagine my womanhood without my children. It is through my pregnancies, births, and raising of all our children that I have been worn into womanhood. All the laughter and tears have softened my face, the gaining and losing of carrying and nourishing them as babies has curved my physique. The anxiety, worry and stress they will undoubtedly wash me in will scrub the color from my hair, and I will need to revel in it as it comes. 

        I always looked ahead to the times when my children would be grown and I would be just myself again. May seem ridiculous, I know, as today I don't feel old at 30, yet it was a lifetime away when I was planning my future. I wanted to enjoy the freedom that I would have without this flock of little ones, once they were grown and gone from the nest. Now I'm really not sure who I am all alone, without them all by my side. 

      There will come a time when I find myself that way, independent and standing strong, but today I realized I am a feminist, a girl, an adult, a wife, a woman and always always always, a mother.