Inshallah

       I have been lax in my pursuits of faith this week, struggling with an undercurrent of the blahs. If I am honest with myself, I do not have the energy to do what must be done, to work for belief. Tonight I am back on track, having not let my mind wander far from cultural differences and language barriers, and definitely not too distantly from deities. I've been reading a few books lately about education, specifically renewing a fervor for educating girls in Pakistan and Afghanistan. Maybe some of you have read these books, Three Cups of Tea and Stones into Schools?
       The topics have touched on things I hold dear- education, female empowerment, and opening oneself up to cultural experiences. It has made me curious to say the least about the people in general, who seem a world or two away from the life I live, but also about the religion, Islam, that most of them practice.

       I will not profess to be more than a casual observer here. I will certainly not be attempting to convert anyone either. In perusing these books and a few other informative sites relating to Islam, I must say I am intrigued. I may have found a religion so similar to Christianity that I could get into it without much extra study. Being based on the same premise, there is one God, and believing that Jesus existed helps. These things tell me that not everything I have learned and held as true for so many years would need to be wiped out. And in many other ways the faiths align: you have to believe, pray, observe holy days, and donate to the needy. Most Muslims also make a pilgrimage to Mecca at least once in life as he or she is able, like some Christians choose to visit the Vatican or Holy Land.

Borrowed image of a "dua" or prayer to Allah.

       In light of recent political issues with other countries, especially those whose main religion is Islam, I fear many people might be aghast at the idea of conversion to becoming Muslim. Aversions aside, I cannot see that it is truly all that different from what I'd like to cling to as a pillar of strength in my struggles. A dear friend told me in recent months that I assume I have too much control in my life. My God, in my Christian life, offers me Free will, and I take it whole-heartedly thinking that it means I determine my course. Is that really so true? 

       In Islam (from what I have shortly studied, again, not an expert) it seems that God has prescribed the end results. I can plan and pray, asking for what I would like, but I must recognize with every hope, that it is only "Inshallah", or God willing that these dreams will come to fruition. I could bask in that release for a short while, that relinquishment of the steering wheel in life, knowing that ultimately the outcomes are not mine to choose. Well, relax for a short while anyway. Would I be able to lean back forever and let someone else drive? That is a difficult question, one that I can't trust myself to make in the interim time warp that deep Grief has thrown me. 

       There are aspects of Islam that perhaps would not appeal to me, the distance I may have to drive to find a place or group with which to practice my faith is an obvious first hurdle. I would also have to decide which branch to join; in the same way as a Christian needs to choose Catholic or Protestant, I would need to discover a path where I could be welcomed and feel at home. I'm sure quite a few are worried about the food or clothing or even the feminist perspectives of the religion, but when I break it down, what matters to me most in finding God again has little to do with dressing myself modestly or avoiding certain meats. 

       I should be searching for a God in a Church that is welcoming, speaking a message that calls to my heart, and finding a God that can carry not just my own self in this messy life, but that of my entire family. Maybe this isn't it or maybe I'm still feeling too blah to do the dirty work of deep soul searching. Either way, I'm keeping an open mind and I might start throwing out a few "Inshallahs" just for good measure. 

For those that might be further interested, I found this site to be somewhat helpful, among others...:

http://www.islamswomen.com/articles/women_in_islam.php