Love Means...

        Do you think God says, "I'm sorry?" Seriously. I'm reading up on Grief and doing my Grief work. I'm following others' blogs and seeing all over that it will make sense in the end, this loss. I have this wonder then, if that's really the case, if when we flit on up to Heaven and get our personal encounter with God, if this Being will peer into my eyes and utter those words, "I'm sorry."

       I've uttered them enough this year myself. I shake my head and mournfully tell my family, my friends, my health care team how sorry I am to have them bear witness and carry our pain. We apologize to one another and forgive ourselves for the choices made that cannot be changed. I hear from well-meaning folk that this was all in someone else's plan, that we cannot blame ourselves and how this death will serve some purpose.

        "Love means never having to say you're sorry." Is that how it will be for God? That in my end, I will get  clarity beamed through that one encounter, that I will understand the purpose my son's death served. Will that love and clarity come through so well that I won't need the apology?
       I've never understood that sentiment. If I love someone I probably need to apologize to them more in life because in that relationship I may say and do some very hurtful things, knowing that he or she can handle what I'm throwing out. That's a lot of trust in each other that comes with love. Maybe I haven't found my love for God yet then. I clearly don't trust enough to buy into the higher purpose here, the omnipotence that I'll gain in the hereafter is still cloudy in my doubting heart.
       


       But say I don't write off this God today...say I stick around in this relationship and work at it, in the hope that someday I'll get answers. If I flip the coin in this partnership as well, I should really be doing some penance myself. The road goes both ways, I suppose, and I should give as good as I expect to get. That being said, I think I'll start looking into other versions of this Higher Power business, checking out a few different takes on the how and why, just in case. 




***Stick around this week if you are interested in Humanities. I've been mulling different cultures and religions and their views on our purpose and thoughts on death. I can't say that it will be professionally educational but hopefully brain tickling all the same...***



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