Irreverent Eloquence

I thought I could be ready. To 'cross that bridge' To 'weather that storm' Enough time has passed, My fill of heartache endured, Now a new love could form.  Hesitant, unsteady, the path so unsure,  Cautious and tempered in each intimation. Awareness creeps in, a chill to the core, A silent heart denies love's formation.  The want of a life,  Return to before, is no longer the desired destination.  The "should be", the rote,  Patterned choices in my past, now a questionable proclamation. "You are naive and unprepared." "You have no need to explore." "Stop here," my mind stalls.  That bridge will have to wait,  Would I survive another storm?  I back away as uncertainty calls. 

it is the end of the night at the start of the week w ith a list so long it is still incomplete seasons in flux, early plans in the works years in advance, cluttered thoughts in clustered bursts.  turn the engine to off though the music plays on trapped in time, lost in mind  stay still for one more song     lovely lights beckon, you are home, please come in.                                                                                              I  do know what is waiting, just not where to begin  then the song is over and the silence starts  and the weight of the life descends on my heart how long shall i wait? how long to delay?              minutes more is all until another day  endless peace in the silence, serenity in the dark;  no decisions to make while I leave myself in Park.