Irreverent Eloquence

 Me siento extra ñ o Como extranjero en mi cuerpo Mi alma está demasiada tranquila, quieta como el ruido, orgulloso y llena con silencio Yo s é  que eso sí que es. Todav í a Estoy aquí.   aunque estoy un poco perdido                --- footnote for this bit of randomness is a tickler mostly for my memory. A busy day at work and a frustrated fried brain had my mind screaming for some inspiration and it was trying to reach for poetry. I drove to choir and on the way, words stacked up in my brain, like tetris blocks, not colored but rather in Spanish, which made me smile. Minutes to spare, I quickly found a pen and wrote the words down before we started singing in Latin, a little worried that I would jumble the stack or push it back into English and it would crash into a meaningless heap.  After choir, Eden called and wanted to talk about her stressors for the day. One of the things weighing on her was an assignment...

 Remind me in the morning that this life is a lie. So comfortable and easy, it's all too perfect. Sigh.  Remind me when I wake,  this nightmare is a dream!  this cage is perfect, gilded; there is no need to scream. Remind me when I'm lonesome, looking off with vacant stare that this place is all I wished for, even if I'm no longer there?

 Let me remind you that it was I that chose You no Fate lured me near  It was my web you wandered into In my trap you were ensnared Let me remind you I let You love Me gave you all the puzzle pieces "the whole picture" to deceive Let me remind you You were a means to an end A stone on which to step Minor character in the story I spin Let me remind you lest you start to believe  that you had the Choice, that You could ever Leave Let me remind you So I don't forget I chose incorrectly and have to live with that regret

 be soft and pliable Flexible, kind stand firm, Strong  but Capable         of great weakness, fair in body and Fawn in heart, never a feint.  be enough, Just     Are you ever Enough?  no questions, Fight     have no depth   be a Mystery          entirely Dynamic, multi-dimensional Until you lie flat.    be filled, content      You have value. Not as a dispensary, only Receptacle.    

  When you were young and headstrong, confident and decisive, you could fight me and never relent. Flippant decisions, just refuse to compromise, easily filled me with instant regret.  I didn't learn quickly, could not see inimitable you, thought I could mold and hold you, just to my will, bent.  Small yet too strong, the will of a woman child sized, your brilliance too often caught me by surprise.  My planning fell to pieces when I gave you the choices, predicting that I would easily win.  I watched your thoughts calculate all the options, then choose, aware of consequences and red faced with chagrin.  I had given permission, a misstep on my part, though I knew the game play and rules, I misunderstood how you would begin.  And you followed through, step by step, having committed to your plan, I was flummoxed and floundered in place.  I felt beaten, and lost, embarrassed and insecure, wanting to be angry as I watched your little face. 

 How do I tell you that you are not enough; knowing I should not be so cruel? How to say the thoughts piling up, as I push you away,  when despite my enforced distance, you stay? I see in the mirror the faces that play, the words forming and smirking, "Who's the fool?"