The Making of Music into Meaning

Music has always been an enjoyment in my life. For a while after Griffin died I could not find solace in it, could not find that part of my voice. In a previous post I talked about my "blogger voice," that inner passion that I thought I'd lost but quickly found still existed. It took me longer to get back the other part of my passion, my "singing voice."
        Don't get all excited and think there is some great opera diva in these pipes. No, no, I'm not formally trained. I have just loved and always been able to identify with music. I'm sure you can say the same. Turn on the radio in the car and crank it up when the mood strikes, roll down the window and throw your arms around, dancing in the feel-good rhythm. Maybe a song can take you for a stroll, pull you into the past and into a fond memory, let the years roll back and remember just like you were there again.
      I was pulled into music in the brief interlude before Griffin's memorial, wading into hymns and searching for the "right" meaning to play for him. There are some songs that I knew right away I would use. Yet others I struggled to choose. I wanted something to set the tone for him- a celebration really. And between my cousin, who was helping to plan it and myself, we chose How Can I Keep from Singing? to start the service.
Perhaps the lyrics didn't strike me as fitting for him as they are for me in my grief.

My life flows on in endless song;

Above earth's lamentation,

I hear the sweet, tho' far-off hymn

That hails a new creation;

Thro' all the tumult and the strife

I hear the music ringing;

It finds an echo in my soul—

How can I keep from singing?

No storm can shake my inmost calm

While to that refuge clinging;

Since Love is Lord of heaven and earth,

How can I keep from singing?

I find the ease of making music meaningful in my life again, listening to it as we do every day. Sometimes the song gets in and you can't help yourself, can't keep your mind from replaying it throughout the day. Sometimes the sentiment gets in your blood and you can't keep your heart from singing it.
       So many times lately I have been listening and hearing more than ever the meaning behind just the words. Appreciating the need for music as an outlet is never lost on me because of this. Crank me up some Broadway musicals, some Wicked or Evita are recent favorites, with lyrics like, "I hope you're happy in the end," and "So what happens now?" respectively. A little Alanis Morisette, "How bout unabashedly bawling your eyes out; How bout not equating death with stopping," or even new music, a little OneRepublic, " Wish that I could witness all your joy and all your pain; But until my moment comes I'll say...I, I did it all, I owned every second that this world could give. I saw so many places, the things that I did. Yeah, with every broken bone I swear I lived."
      The most frequently heard station in our home now, though, is 'Let it Go' radio by Pandora. Man that station has my number. Nothing like a mix of Adele, Glee, and Disney to get a girl going. Or 3 little girls and a mama really...Even in the Grief, just can't keep us from singing.