Found my Big Girl Panties
Personally, I think big girl panties are highly overrated. I don't put much stock in them though I certainly have many a pair. Somewhat like thongs and thigh-high stockings, my big girl panties have a time and place to get put on and they drive me nuts while being worn.
Now I know there is a need for them. Tonight I had to pull them out begrudgingly. I had to sit down to write a letter to the Minnesota Board of Medical Practice on behalf of an acquaintance. I had to write a bit of my story, break it down professionally and discuss the merits of options for women. Women's rights is a soap box of mine so this should not have been a difficult thing to do. Writing the story of my son, though, that was the hard part. Edited down and typed in medical lingo, my plea is less than two pages long, single-spaced. It is not detailed enough to explain or discuss all that happened, though my story is not really what I am writing about anyway so the minutiae do not matter to them.
I won't get into detail tonight. Suffice it to say that I had to pull up my britches and be brave for someone else. I had to take my experience and turn it for the good. Take my heartbreak and show it in the best light, as a guiding beacon for change. That is the difficult thing to do. It is taking me a while to write Griffin's story because his death is not simply a stillbirth. His death is political and carries with it not only the manifestations of Grief but also the driving need to put that death to good use. His death had the power to turn friends against us in judgment and I hope it has the power to do more, to change practice for the better.
Tonight, in taking this first step to write a letter in support of someone else, someone also damaged and threatened by a situation just like ours, I am getting a glimmer of that hope for higher purpose.
There is more to come, more yanking at boot straps and keeping calm to carry on. Tonight is one small step. I'm not sure that I want to carry on further, at least not any time soon; this path is difficult and rocky. Sure, this wardrobe might make me seem mature and responsible, but I know for a fact it makes my butt look big and I don't even have the luxury of wearing cute shoes!
Now I know there is a need for them. Tonight I had to pull them out begrudgingly. I had to sit down to write a letter to the Minnesota Board of Medical Practice on behalf of an acquaintance. I had to write a bit of my story, break it down professionally and discuss the merits of options for women. Women's rights is a soap box of mine so this should not have been a difficult thing to do. Writing the story of my son, though, that was the hard part. Edited down and typed in medical lingo, my plea is less than two pages long, single-spaced. It is not detailed enough to explain or discuss all that happened, though my story is not really what I am writing about anyway so the minutiae do not matter to them.
I won't get into detail tonight. Suffice it to say that I had to pull up my britches and be brave for someone else. I had to take my experience and turn it for the good. Take my heartbreak and show it in the best light, as a guiding beacon for change. That is the difficult thing to do. It is taking me a while to write Griffin's story because his death is not simply a stillbirth. His death is political and carries with it not only the manifestations of Grief but also the driving need to put that death to good use. His death had the power to turn friends against us in judgment and I hope it has the power to do more, to change practice for the better.
Tonight, in taking this first step to write a letter in support of someone else, someone also damaged and threatened by a situation just like ours, I am getting a glimmer of that hope for higher purpose.
There is more to come, more yanking at boot straps and keeping calm to carry on. Tonight is one small step. I'm not sure that I want to carry on further, at least not any time soon; this path is difficult and rocky. Sure, this wardrobe might make me seem mature and responsible, but I know for a fact it makes my butt look big and I don't even have the luxury of wearing cute shoes!
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