Irreverent Eloquence

  When you were young and headstrong, confident and decisive, you could fight me and never relent. Flippant decisions, just refuse to compromise, easily filled me with instant regret.  I didn't learn quickly, could not see inimitable you, thought I could mold and hold you, just to my will, bent.  Small yet too strong, the will of a woman child sized, your brilliance too often caught me by surprise.  My planning fell to pieces when I gave you the choices, predicting that I would easily win.  I watched your thoughts calculate all the options, then choose, aware of consequences and red faced with chagrin.  I had given permission, a misstep on my part, though I knew the game play and rules, I misunderstood how you would begin.  And you followed through, step by step, having committed to your plan, I was flummoxed and floundered in place.  I felt beaten, and lost, embarrassed and insecure, wanting to be angry as I watched your little face. 

 How do I tell you that you are not enough; knowing I should not be so cruel? How to say the thoughts piling up, as I push you away,  when despite my enforced distance, you stay? I see in the mirror the faces that play, the words forming and smirking, "Who's the fool?"